Robertcop

Was watchin that robocop efter a few valies yesterday. Fuckin nuts eh? Imagine ye were cleaning up the playgrun and mad youths foo of it blasted fuck oot ye. Then the deputy head took yer cadaver and made ye in tae a 8 fit robot janny.
I'd be able tae reach and finally clean that graffiti in the main hall that says 'the janny sooks aff benders'
I'd well be biffin that cunty English head and takin er the staff room for masel and aw ma robot pals.
Get pure fleein buzzin castrol GTX and tannin cyborg eccies.

Dugs/bin

A call this wan Dug/Bin.
Ma dugs pan noo right enuff.
I took on him oan the waltzers at the shows and he heavy boosted efter he came aff.
If a was a dug and some cunt took me oan the waltzers ad be like 'cheers ma man', heavy chuffed to experience the pleasures of man rather than tannin times of pedigree chum and feasting oan ma ain baws.
Sayin that dugs are mento int they?

Fuck Damien Hurst

Mate he's a dick. Just paps deed cats intae vats of pish.
This is ma art peice.
Big Beryl Tweed says a could make up tae 50 bangers wi this hing.
Minted.

Grief and Chips wae Garlic Regret.

Awrite,

Hunners has been happenin' since we last graced ye with a blog post. The Janny has signed a deal wae Gammy Performers Gamma Pro Forma fae shitebag city London and we are now dain an album full of power tunes that Hipster cunts fae Shoreditch will shite their skinny jeans at. 

Even better than that, the Janny has masterminded the most rapid gig of all time in Glasgow toon. Unfortunately it's in the poofy West End but that will just make it all the easier to get snout off cunts cos you know they'll gee them up straight away. It's wae the very, very spicy Saló, Hunt / Gather and Hush. The poster is a heavy belter as you can see:

It's so belter in fact, that we decided to pap it on a T-shirt, that you can pick up for £10 wae a free EP. That's less than 20 snout and a bottle of tonic so that pretty fucking gid. 

This weekend the Janny is goin to Super- T in the park, the lesser known festival where all the lagers are over 8% and there's nae poofy hairdos. 

PEACE

DEEEED POETS SOBRIETY!

Mate got heavy honked up oan 2 boatos of black destiny last night and fired intae a big fuck off bag of VHS a goat oot the Starvation Army shoap.
Pure papped oan that Dead Poets Society hinkin it wid be full of cunts gettin panned in.
Heavy hummin.
Dafty wee guys talkin like big Steph Fry and mad hairy Peter Pan fae Hook geein it the big patter.
Mate ma poetry will burst yer Da's ring open like an egg in the gub of a steamin dug.
This wans called "Stingey Granda" and its aboot a pure cunt of a Granda.
Right here we go......

Stingey Granda 
Stingey to his son, 
now stingey to his grandson, 
he detestes fun, 
preffering a world with no sun, 
finding the beano expensive, 
recyling tea bags extensive, 
stealing pens from his auld work, 
looking for snout douts in dog's dirt, 
hitting the park with no lunch, 
it's not only ants who'll steal from your picnic, 
snout dout behind the ear, 
bin liner covering gear, 
refusing to waste cash on aspirin for terminally ill wife,
 buying pleather is the high life

The Next Janny Rock Show

Awrite. If you listened to that EP of ours. Then here is the next time you can hear it live and direct. The show is with our very good homies Citizens and the fantastic Khuda and Nasdaq.

Fat Janitor Bandcamp
Citizens Bandcamp
Khuda Bandcamp
Nasdaq Bandcamp

Facebook Event Page

Mon doon.

Music.

The Janny plays the spoons in this rather noisy rock band. Mini album out now, available for FREE at this bandcamp:

http://fatjanitor.bandcamp.com

BEEF CANNON

Right it's been fuckin' ages since this pish has been updated. Was far too full of jellies over the festive period to see the computer screen so you'll have tae forgive me.

 Also went aer tae the USA tae smash that Obama over this SOPA/PIPA shite. Smashed rapid yankee goons. Stuck the nut right in Tyler the Creator and he was greetin' like a 5 year old fuckin' lassie. and only spent 7 nights in the jail.  Bloods and Crips are fuckin' poofters and the Janny ran the jail. The troops would have been proud. Aw that fucking jail brewed moonshine tastes like fuckin' WKD compared to a can a' Super, They trumpets don't know what the fuck they're daein.

Anyway now that all that shite's dealt wae. It's been fuckin ages since a had ma hole. Next week me and aw the Jannies fae the school are gawn speed datin'. We're gonnae need about a half ounce ae Speed then we're aw gawn tae a hoose party in Black Hill and scopin for fanny. A like birds that smoke Woodbine and look like Jimmy Krankie.

OOOooft.