The Reek!

The Janny’s gettin heavy ragin at the moment. Like that time big Tam Tam Clifford took 2 microdots an gobbed his ain clipper. Had the butane runnies fer a few weeks. Cunt pure loved gas like. Wan time at his breher’s weans communion he smashed a full tin eh Ronson an played aboot wi the priest’s lips fir 20 long fuckin minutes. Kinda like the condition am in the now.

Right… so whit aboot this fuckin Gok Wan prick? If his boggin’ show came tae the Parkhead Forge I guarantee ad skull 10 vallies an a litre eh mead, get shirtless oan that shitey catwalk an roll scrappy joints fir the fat rides oan the side gaggin fir a sniff eh the Janny’s smelly brush. In fact, ah reckon I could dae his show better;-

                                            “How to Look Good Blazin” with Fat Jan.

First ad git they big hummin’ disaster burds flung oot eh JP Bingo's night club in Hamilton alang wi their full beef sniffer boyfriends, and lay doon a few ground rules.

1: Eat yer steak bake wi yer fuckin’ mouth shut ye smelly cunt.

2:  Daint run intae big Tony MaraGubbin’s chippy an tax the rid sauce, cos he’ll fuckin’ smash yir foreheed right aff and tear aff yir bird’s goblin thighs. And don’t use yir clearly pish negotiation skills tae git 70p aff a sassy supper ya fuckin’ omniclown.

3:Always gub 2 grams ah MDMA an try tae chat up hoff blazin chippy burds headin hame oan the 66 tae Calderwood. Offer her a bit eh the honey ham ye taxed oot eh Somerfield, guarantee you’ll get a sniff eh the meat dungeon. 

4: Rip aff all the stuck on Job skins fae yir boggin Cica trainees an fling oan a full can eh Lynx Pulse before ye go tae work.  

5: Dae hunners eh menshies like this:

"Directed and produced by Fran Jambalana and Gerry Allsorts"

"Original concept written on the toilet wall of Bobby Shingles Bar by an intoxicated janitor"

Premier Binn Raider.

Check oot these belters! Got them oot White Power Bill's Discount Tools and Snout up the Gallowgate. Swapped him two mitzies an a vintage Mafair fae 1975 fur it. Pure hummin' snaggletooth hole in that scud mag. Wis whit he's intae. A man eh discerning taste, like masel. 

 


Anywai, these bad boys ol pick up any shite Ye throw at them. 25p boatlles eh bru, any size eh crisp packet... Grab bag eh walkers. They dirty balsa wood crisps oot the tandoori... Ye ken whit ah mean, they smell like Jo Brand's gear an taste like each wan wis flavoured wi dawn French's tears. Ye know, efter big Lenny's delt wi her efter smashing about 5 premier inn breakfasts? They wans. Nae fuckin bother.

Aye, but this is fuckin Bearsden. Wee basterds only eat Kettle Chips an organic Wotsits. Last time ah ask if I could tap a Tom Tom aff some wee dafty he whipped oot a sat nav. Cunts. 

Techy teachers are cunts.

Better get shot of this recycle hing in the staff room before that right cunt of a headmaster appears.
Ended up gettin locked in the school last night when a conked oot efter gettin blazin wi wan of the techy teachers in the staff room.
Tanned hunners of cans and wine then the cunt pure boosted.
A suppose bein the janny he expected me tae clean it up but wit a snide cunt efter me gettin im blazin and hivin tae put wi his pure hummin chat aboot dovetail joints and MDF.
Hunners of bombers oan the carpet anaw.
Baws.

SMheart Attack.

Caught that fuckin rocketeer eh a janny fae Glasgow academy trying tae pick the loak oan ma chemical cupboard. Cunt wis well tryin tae git at my stoatin ecolab pro 40. Unsound. Took the cunt round the back eh the huts and scooped him right oot his Berghaus, then Northed his Face an Sprayed him aw the Way doon the cubicle walls. Wis like that "touch ma gear again an al batter ye til yev nae fuckin' jaikets left ya dirty ring sniffer." Right proper beatin' it wis, punched him right back intae his maw.

"Ah took this many blues. Look at these hawns!"

 

Wi aw this fuckin agro ah needed tae calm masel doon. Went back tae ma janny hut an looked intae the special collection, classic episodes eh SMart wi that mad ride Mark Speight! Take 10 vallies an a tumbler eh ginger wine, pretend the dudes batterin' hunners eh ching wi the big janny like the old days, gee masel a dry slap an get ready fir work... cannae wait tae get battered intae some lunchables an pollen buckets.

Mad Dog Karaoke Perty

Gawin tae ma Aunt’s third weddin this week, hud tae pick masel up a sweet pair eh steelies fur the occasion aff ma pal Coatbridge Tommy. Fuckin belters so they are, nane eh yir fake timbies here. Cannae wait tae noise up ma brer in law Tony Jambalana an skelp his fuckin baldy coupin. Gonnae huv tae sort oot a present anaw. Don’t hink the wean’s got a Fat Janny CD yit. Crackin’ karaoke singer so he is. Right wee Teddy Pendergrass cunt.

Anaywai, a dinnae know how ah got up the road last night. Ah mind cutting aboot The Pines up Paisley wai fur the karaoke, an smashed a hof pizza crunch aff some goon on the PR road. So wit, his burd looked like eh inside eh a Revel an hud a big pair eh droopy jib jabs. Pure hummin’ Turkey bangers. Still widnae tap us a big Benson.

So aye back tae fuckin’ work the morra. But September weekend next week, gawnae git howfin’ on eh black wine, git a couple eh blues an smash some tele. Some sweet sign zone action.

In fact it might no be his wean.

Janny is chokin

Right my bird just wiz just taken away by the polis for murder.  Tipped her off tae wullie orbison doon at the station as she was daein my nut in over leaving my scud mags lying aboot the place. 

Having a gander at the aldi dating website.  Well sexy.  Everyone seems intae it. Just made my profile.  Whit dae ye cunts hink?  Just showing ye the important shite.


Likes - Clumsio (Italian Clown. Swatched him in a scud scandal video once.  It's true whit they say about big shoes and mind... a clowns  are the biggest), The School Cleaners (You cannae be one but you have to at least know one), Bevy ("It's Hi Ho silver lining, blazing out my dome") haha exactly, right eh.  Going on a bit here bevy, drugs, scud, drugs, dugs, drums (not the instrument but big iron drums full of the tonic meed, big sal made it at a party once)

Dislikes 

Pregnant Lassies who don't smoke. 
That loser janny fae scrubs for pure chatting wi that elliot and no even trying it on.  That wan time he got upset when a patient died.  Limp goon.  One time a kids maw turned up to school blazing.  All the teachers cried but the janny got blazing on the spot and then broke into the office for her phone number.
Folk who ring the polis when i get oot my nut.  Don't worry i don't want any trouble.  Just want your midouri and won't take "help" for an answer. 

Kids who don't swear - A fucking disease
History Teachers - Losers.  Try writing a book about the time i followed you home after you grassed on me for chatting up your niece at a rave, hid in your fucking bushes, then broke into your house and smeaed dug shite all over the jeans that were hanging up drying in your scullery

what is the verdict?  

Ma menchi

If any cunt spies this menchi aboot it means av cleaned a bog oan the premises.
Am pure amazin at cleanin bogs!
No so good efter a double dunter of eccies tho but a relish a blazing challenge.
Wan time a wiz cleanin the hummin bogs in the flying tumbler in Maryhill and there wiz this cunt pure burst lying oan the bog deck.
Cleaned aw roon im then wrote ma menchi oan eez jaiket, a sweet Regatta windbreaker.
A always keep an eye oot fir im tae see if he's still got the menchi oan im, kind of like when ye write "fuck you" oan a fiver, spend it in the bookies and see if ye get it back 2 year later wi the menchi intact.
Well a dae anyway.

The jannys choons.

http://www.facebook.com/fatjanitor