SMheart Attack.

Caught that fuckin rocketeer eh a janny fae Glasgow academy trying tae pick the loak oan ma chemical cupboard. Cunt wis well tryin tae git at my stoatin ecolab pro 40. Unsound. Took the cunt round the back eh the huts and scooped him right oot his Berghaus, then Northed his Face an Sprayed him aw the Way doon the cubicle walls. Wis like that "touch ma gear again an al batter ye til yev nae fuckin' jaikets left ya dirty ring sniffer." Right proper beatin' it wis, punched him right back intae his maw.

"Ah took this many blues. Look at these hawns!"

 

Wi aw this fuckin agro ah needed tae calm masel doon. Went back tae ma janny hut an looked intae the special collection, classic episodes eh SMart wi that mad ride Mark Speight! Take 10 vallies an a tumbler eh ginger wine, pretend the dudes batterin' hunners eh ching wi the big janny like the old days, gee masel a dry slap an get ready fir work... cannae wait tae get battered intae some lunchables an pollen buckets.

Mad Dog Karaoke Perty

Gawin tae ma Aunt’s third weddin this week, hud tae pick masel up a sweet pair eh steelies fur the occasion aff ma pal Coatbridge Tommy. Fuckin belters so they are, nane eh yir fake timbies here. Cannae wait tae noise up ma brer in law Tony Jambalana an skelp his fuckin baldy coupin. Gonnae huv tae sort oot a present anaw. Don’t hink the wean’s got a Fat Janny CD yit. Crackin’ karaoke singer so he is. Right wee Teddy Pendergrass cunt.

Anaywai, a dinnae know how ah got up the road last night. Ah mind cutting aboot The Pines up Paisley wai fur the karaoke, an smashed a hof pizza crunch aff some goon on the PR road. So wit, his burd looked like eh inside eh a Revel an hud a big pair eh droopy jib jabs. Pure hummin’ Turkey bangers. Still widnae tap us a big Benson.

So aye back tae fuckin’ work the morra. But September weekend next week, gawnae git howfin’ on eh black wine, git a couple eh blues an smash some tele. Some sweet sign zone action.

In fact it might no be his wean.

Janny is chokin

Right my bird just wiz just taken away by the polis for murder.  Tipped her off tae wullie orbison doon at the station as she was daein my nut in over leaving my scud mags lying aboot the place. 

Having a gander at the aldi dating website.  Well sexy.  Everyone seems intae it. Just made my profile.  Whit dae ye cunts hink?  Just showing ye the important shite.


Likes - Clumsio (Italian Clown. Swatched him in a scud scandal video once.  It's true whit they say about big shoes and mind... a clowns  are the biggest), The School Cleaners (You cannae be one but you have to at least know one), Bevy ("It's Hi Ho silver lining, blazing out my dome") haha exactly, right eh.  Going on a bit here bevy, drugs, scud, drugs, dugs, drums (not the instrument but big iron drums full of the tonic meed, big sal made it at a party once)

Dislikes 

Pregnant Lassies who don't smoke. 
That loser janny fae scrubs for pure chatting wi that elliot and no even trying it on.  That wan time he got upset when a patient died.  Limp goon.  One time a kids maw turned up to school blazing.  All the teachers cried but the janny got blazing on the spot and then broke into the office for her phone number.
Folk who ring the polis when i get oot my nut.  Don't worry i don't want any trouble.  Just want your midouri and won't take "help" for an answer. 

Kids who don't swear - A fucking disease
History Teachers - Losers.  Try writing a book about the time i followed you home after you grassed on me for chatting up your niece at a rave, hid in your fucking bushes, then broke into your house and smeaed dug shite all over the jeans that were hanging up drying in your scullery

what is the verdict?  

Ma menchi

If any cunt spies this menchi aboot it means av cleaned a bog oan the premises.
Am pure amazin at cleanin bogs!
No so good efter a double dunter of eccies tho but a relish a blazing challenge.
Wan time a wiz cleanin the hummin bogs in the flying tumbler in Maryhill and there wiz this cunt pure burst lying oan the bog deck.
Cleaned aw roon im then wrote ma menchi oan eez jaiket, a sweet Regatta windbreaker.
A always keep an eye oot fir im tae see if he's still got the menchi oan im, kind of like when ye write "fuck you" oan a fiver, spend it in the bookies and see if ye get it back 2 year later wi the menchi intact.
Well a dae anyway.

The jannys choons.

http://www.facebook.com/fatjanitor